A scene I have seen times before. I finally am able to express it in words tonight, as I sip my warm milk and honey on a stool in my kitchen, writing fast to get the words down before they escape me:
I want to see you truly Alive, friend.
Not dulled by the dope that brings you down.
I know you hear those Whispers of what life should be.
What are you running from?
The fear that it might all be smoke and mirrors?
That your honest cries really will go unanswered?
Is that why you remain silent and continue smoking your blunt?
I don’t believe you’re where you really want to be. Who you really want to be.
You say ‘I’m not trying to escape from anything.’
If you’re not trying to mask something, to stifle a desire
Then why continue with your retreat into nothingness,
With only a vacant deadness staring back at you from the broken pictures hanging on its walls?
And not even any silence.
No. Because in silence you would hear it all screaming at you.
And you would be undone.
Why don’t you just be undone?
Let those buried dreams and thoughts and cries surface.
Give voice to the lost boy within,
No matter how messy the revealing may be.
Buried deep, you will find the true man you are meant to be.
Stand up. Not in pride. But in honesty.
He is listening, waiting, watching. And He is the One who is whispering.
He is the God who calls you by name. Your name.
Let go and embrace Him.
He is your strength.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
A Metaphor: Throw Me (Them) A Rope
You know those times when you answer your phone, be it your cell or home landline, fully expecting to hear a response to your cheery hello, but you only hear silence?
Do you wonder why, when you know someone else is on the other end of that call, you only hear the static on the line, or sometimes, even the faint sound of their exhaling and inhaling? Why don’t they answer, we wonder? Or maybe we ask the unknown (although sometimes known) person that very question, wondering if we might get an answer after the initial silence. ‘Hello?’ we ask again, a little more doubtful (and yet still hopeful), but mostly expecting silence the second, third, and sometimes fourth time, for those of us who really want to know the answer.
Are they afraid of responding? Afraid of reciprocating to a hopeful response to THEIR call. Did they forget it was they who first called, who first tried contacting? Did they decide against it that split second their fear kicked in at the sound of someone’s voice?
Or do some people maliciously call, fully intending to leave someone hanging either by the sound of their breath or a deafening silence?
Those of us receiving the call cannot know the intention. Maybe we must always keep that hope and reservation in our minds when answering a call, or a relationship, in life.
Not a bitter expectation that everyone who calls without answering is a d*mn hooligan, but just leaving room in our thoughts that people are afraid or hurting or uncertain themselves that someone might respond to them, in words or action.
Is it possible that the connection itself may be broken, on their end, or yours, or both? Maybe.
I know sometimes I want to react to these situations with a bitter sarcasm along the lines of ‘throw me a frieking rope or don’t make the effort to call at all!’ But are those really the words I want to say to someone? Is it really what someone who is hurting or scared needs to hear? Maybe they need that rope thrown to them more than I do.
I guess I think about these sorts of things during the silence of an unanswered call…and in other situations much more pertinent to my perception of life and people.
Patience. Understanding. They seem like the answers any way I look at it.
Just my musings.
Do you wonder why, when you know someone else is on the other end of that call, you only hear the static on the line, or sometimes, even the faint sound of their exhaling and inhaling? Why don’t they answer, we wonder? Or maybe we ask the unknown (although sometimes known) person that very question, wondering if we might get an answer after the initial silence. ‘Hello?’ we ask again, a little more doubtful (and yet still hopeful), but mostly expecting silence the second, third, and sometimes fourth time, for those of us who really want to know the answer.
Are they afraid of responding? Afraid of reciprocating to a hopeful response to THEIR call. Did they forget it was they who first called, who first tried contacting? Did they decide against it that split second their fear kicked in at the sound of someone’s voice?
Or do some people maliciously call, fully intending to leave someone hanging either by the sound of their breath or a deafening silence?
Those of us receiving the call cannot know the intention. Maybe we must always keep that hope and reservation in our minds when answering a call, or a relationship, in life.
Not a bitter expectation that everyone who calls without answering is a d*mn hooligan, but just leaving room in our thoughts that people are afraid or hurting or uncertain themselves that someone might respond to them, in words or action.
Is it possible that the connection itself may be broken, on their end, or yours, or both? Maybe.
I know sometimes I want to react to these situations with a bitter sarcasm along the lines of ‘throw me a frieking rope or don’t make the effort to call at all!’ But are those really the words I want to say to someone? Is it really what someone who is hurting or scared needs to hear? Maybe they need that rope thrown to them more than I do.
I guess I think about these sorts of things during the silence of an unanswered call…and in other situations much more pertinent to my perception of life and people.
Patience. Understanding. They seem like the answers any way I look at it.
Just my musings.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I Found That Heart of Mine
And so...I am back to Pennsylvania. It feels as if I have been living a different life this past six months…I guess I was. It’s strange to be back, but I know my life must only grow out of what I have learned while in Hawai’i and Thailand. But where to go from here? I have a greater grounding in my faith and much more of an appreciation for people and my relationships…that I know. It has been such an inward journey for me these past months, and I need time for it to all sink in. Patience. That is what I need to pray for at this time. And guidance. I am always looking to what’s next in my life…the next travel, the next journey, the next step. Not that it is a bad thing to look to the future with hopeful expectation; I just know it’s easy to throw myself into something that seems good. But I want what’s best, what God is leading me into specifically for this season.
It’s been such an intense journey, and I have a few things on my heart upon coming home, but before I act, I need this time to be quiet before the Lord and really seek Him out in the solitude of home and nature. I have heard it said that the greatest posture of hearing the voice of God is rest and trust. I think there is such truth to that.
From day one of the Discipleship Training School lecture phase, way back on October 1¸ and all through the succeeding months, God has been doing some serious work in my heart. As I read through my old journal entries, I find myself in tears as I realize how faithful God has been in answering my prayers for healing and wholeness. I was so angry upon arriving in Kona…angry at people, at God, at myself…for disappointments, for pain, for times of loss in my past. I found myself in tears most days, and I would have to leave lecture to gather myself in the restroom. Even just sharing my testimony with my school was such a hard thing, and I was barely thirty seconds into it before I was a snotty, teary-eyed mess in front of everyone.
I fell apart in Kona, although I thought I had formed a hard enough exterior to keep that from happening. But no, walls in my heart had to come down in order for healing to really take root. Unforgiveness. Bitterness. Anger. Disappointment. They all reared their ugly heads during my time in Hawai’i specifically, and many days I could hardly appreciate the beauty and people that surrounded me because of my inner turmoil and uprooting.
Most days, I would say to myself and God ‘I’m done...this is not what I expected...all this pain...I am going home!’ But as I started to open up to trustworthy people about my struggles, through God’s grace, I began to see that these things had to be dealt with. And as my wise Kazak friend Aliya shared with me one especially bitter evening, it wouldn’t matter whether I went home, or if I stayed, these issues would still be within me. So true. That same friend encouraged me multiple times to stay in Kona, in the supportive environment that it is, with the loving people that are there, so that I could work through my struggles, since I had come running from home in the hopes of finding something new anyways. I guess I realized at that point that these issues would follow me wherever I went, if I didn’t address them at their root.
So, heart surgery it was! And what a terrorizing, thrilling, and hope-cultivating journey it has been. And the true friendships I have now! Oh the change I can see in myself…in the way I view others, God, the world, and myself.
At the start of things, I was so scared and insecure. Unbeknownst to me, my arrival in Kona would be the catalyst that would continue a painful, new leg of my journey called healing. Some of that healing was sparked before I arrived in Hawai’i, but much of it really began to take root there and in Thailand. I learned more of who God really was, His heart for me and His desire to see me whole and free, both of which I was not. I began to recognize Satan’s lies for what they were, and I continued with what I knew how to do at that point…honestly talk to God with all my fears, insecurities, uncertainties, buried dreams, sadness, and disappointments.
As I began to really pour into His word (especially Ephesians) and realize the victory and life Christ had won for me, I was astounded at how I had lived in such ignorance of it all. Satan really had blinded me to so much, and when my eyes were opened, I saw such beauty in life again, in my walk with God, and in my relationships. I was able to let people love me sincerely, without putting up walls and putting on a mask. I shared my pain with God more and with others as well, and through those trustworthy relationships with Him and them, the wounds that had hurt so much began to truly heal. I could trust again, love again, if I ever really had in my life.
I needed to experience that healing for myself before I could reach out to others in Thailand...I couldn’t give out of what I did not have. Not that I was completely whole upon boarding that plane for Bangkok, but definitely moreso than when I first landed in Kona. And more healing came as my team and I traveled from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, from Chiang Mai to Phuket, and then Bangkok to Kona again.
In Chiang Mai, my all-girls team, made up of eight beautiful women and myself, lived and worked at a place called Abba House. It is a ministry with a two-fold purpose of providing a safehouse for young Thai girls who have come from abusive homes and broken or non-existent families AS WELL AS discipling men, young and old alike, who have come out of prison, drug rehabs, prostitution, or off the streets. We taught the men English and led Bible studies with them, which to our surprise (seeing how we were a group of young women ministering to men who had come from rough backgrounds), turned out to be such a great time of spiritual encouragement and edification to both us and the men. By the end of our month there, they had become our brothers. We also taught the girls English in the evenings when they came home from school.
Amidst our daily schedule of ministry with the guys and girls at Abba House, my team and I also made visits to a prison, two drug rehabs, an HIV/AIDS orphanage, and a crippled children’s home for times of songs, games, skits, and sharing. What a busy month it was! Our last night there, we organized a big Mexican dinner complete with tacos, spicy rice, fanta, and ice cream sundaes for the girls and guys at Abba House, and the night ended with a powerful, tearful time of foot-washing, prayer and fun as we said our goodbyes. Oh how I miss our friends there!
One of my favorite memories is of Christmas Eve, when we all went Christmas caroling around Chiang Mai, singing joyfully and skipping our way to each house, arm-in-arm. A taste of Heaven, I think. : )
At the end of our months there, the men who could communicate in their limited English, and also those that needed a translator, told us specific ways of how we helped grow them in their walks with God and revealed truths of the Bible. Praise God for how He worked through us! It was at Abba House that I began to realize just how important fellowship with other believers is, and I developed an appreciation for just how diverse the body of Christ is and should be.
From Chiang Mai, we traveled by bus all the way to the opposite end of the country, to the island of Phuket off the southern coast of Thailand. There, we lived and worked at a ministry called SHE (Self Help & Empowerment). What a place it is! Although its beauty lies in its tropical paradise landscape, it is has an equally dark side, as it’s very well known for its prostitution. SHE offers alternative employment to the girls who work in the bars, training in hotel/restaurant work, and English lessons, all in the hope of leading them to the Lord and discipling them, which is no easy task in the culture there.
Our job was to go into the bars a few times a week to form friendships with the girls, as we played pool, Connect-4, jenga or just talked. My team, nine of us in all, broke up into groups of three to cover different areas of town, so we didn’t run the risk of visiting the same bars and girls. The first night out, we just sort of mapped out the place, writing down street and bar names, to get a feel for the place and to know how many (and what type of) bars we were dealing with. The hierarchy of bar owners and bosses makes it a seedy place, not to mention some of the bars being owned and run by mafia. We had to keep our wits about us and our eyes open to anything that didn’t seem safe or normal for the nature of the place. If we felt we were being watched or we could see that the bar owner specifically had their eye on us, we would be careful how often and for how long we visited that bar. Seeing young women walk around that area and just talking with the bar girls is a strange thing in the first place. I mean, c’mon, the area is known for sex and alcohol…not exactly a place young women go to have fun for vacation. The place is mostly frequented by older European men.
But what an opportunity it was! Not only did we get to make some good friendships and connections with the bar girls and owners, but we also got to talk abit with some of the men who visited the bars. It was good to meet them and just talk so that later we could pray for them by name.
After we had gotten to know the girls, many of them would begin to open up about their lives and admit how much they disliked working in the bars. See, most of them come from the poorer, more rural parts of Thailand up north and are expected by their families to be the breadwinners, no matter the cost, really. Usually, it’s the oldest daughter who goes to get a job first, and with very limited schooling and lack of money/opportunity for more education, so many end up resorting to selling themselves for money. It’s sad, but that is the nature of their situation…and for so many girls in Thailand.
But anyways, if the girls were really not interested in working in their bar anymore and were looking for another job, we could tell them about SHE (‘a friend’, we would say) who could help them with employment and training. Some of them were interested, others just weren’t willing to trust that it could be true or feasible for them to leave. I can understand their lack of trust, as many have been used and deceived for so many years. If they were willing to look into SHE, we could invite them to the base for lunch, and they could have a chance to see the organization, that it was legit, and to talk with staff and the founders about details and the reality of changing their current situation.
Honestly, it’s a difficult ministry, and SO MUCH of our work (and SHE’s work) was prayer and worship, as it should be. I learned just how powerful and crucial prayer really is in tearing down strongholds and defeating the work of the Devil. Satan is at work in Phuket, but when one focuses on the Light of Christ and how strong and real His love is, the darkness is minimized to such an extent. It was amazing working in there, where you really can feel the depth of the spiritual battle between Light and Dark and at many times, it can be felt physically. Being there was such a reminder of how much of a need there is to be grounded in Christ and strong in the Lord. There is such a need there with how desperate the women are for a way out and, most importantly, a relationship with and freedom in Christ.
So, from the men who came out of prison, drugs, and prostitution...to the little girls whose homes were too broken to grow up in…to the beautiful women who called the Phuket bars their homes, I saw God at work, transforming hearts and opening eyes to things unseen...glimpses of what could be…those things that are not to be as though they were, as that verse in Romans 4:17 so eloquently says. I have seen such hope in the world, and yet such darkness alongside it.
‘If you travel here, you will see it all, the brightest and the darkest…and if you travel here, listen to your heart and take with you what lasts forever.’
Those lyrics speak to me about my time abroad in Thailand. But by God’s amazing love and grace, His bright Hope outshines the darkness. Like in Phuket…I remember arriving back at SHE so discouraged some nights and yet knowing that it wasn’t the end…that His Light would prevail in the end if only we kept praying, kept persevering, kept pushing back the darkness in Jesus’ name. Was I hyped up on YWAM outreach excitement? I don’t think so..i believe God was filling me with more faith. Faith to believe that His love is going to change things…that’s it’s strong and true. That He is renewing all things.
That very faith still wavers in me at times as I have traveled home and am acclimating myself to life here again, but it’s a precious lesson I am still learning. It’s a journey I am choosing to take because I have known what the way is like when you almost lose your faith…the hopelessness, deceit and fear is too much to bear. I am not going back. I know that much.
One of the main things I have been learning over this past while is that we are all broken in our own ways, from different hurts in both the past and present. And I’ve seen in not just my own life, but others as well, how Satan uses our brokenness to make us believe there is no hope, even if we believe in Christ. But that is just not true. God really does want wholeness and life for each of us in His love, but it’s the nature of the world we live in that Satan does not want us to really see who we are and can be in Christ or who God really is. He works so hard to deceive us and blind us to the truth of it. I’ve heard it said that Satan’s worst fear is for us to realize who we are in Christ and to walk in it. It makes sense! Why would Satan want us to walk in life and wholeness when he hates Christ, and thus hates us because we belong to Him? Satan only comes to kill, steal, and destroy, and there is no good in him.
God has put it on my heart to expose Satan’s lies for what they are in people’s lives, but most importantly, to focus on the Light and Life of Christ and how we wants an intimate relationship with each of us. He is found by those who seek Him in truth. And when we do allow our hearts to open to His love and grace, He transforms us in radical ways.
It’s been such an intense journey, and I have a few things on my heart upon coming home, but before I act, I need this time to be quiet before the Lord and really seek Him out in the solitude of home and nature. I have heard it said that the greatest posture of hearing the voice of God is rest and trust. I think there is such truth to that.
From day one of the Discipleship Training School lecture phase, way back on October 1¸ and all through the succeeding months, God has been doing some serious work in my heart. As I read through my old journal entries, I find myself in tears as I realize how faithful God has been in answering my prayers for healing and wholeness. I was so angry upon arriving in Kona…angry at people, at God, at myself…for disappointments, for pain, for times of loss in my past. I found myself in tears most days, and I would have to leave lecture to gather myself in the restroom. Even just sharing my testimony with my school was such a hard thing, and I was barely thirty seconds into it before I was a snotty, teary-eyed mess in front of everyone.
I fell apart in Kona, although I thought I had formed a hard enough exterior to keep that from happening. But no, walls in my heart had to come down in order for healing to really take root. Unforgiveness. Bitterness. Anger. Disappointment. They all reared their ugly heads during my time in Hawai’i specifically, and many days I could hardly appreciate the beauty and people that surrounded me because of my inner turmoil and uprooting.
Most days, I would say to myself and God ‘I’m done...this is not what I expected...all this pain...I am going home!’ But as I started to open up to trustworthy people about my struggles, through God’s grace, I began to see that these things had to be dealt with. And as my wise Kazak friend Aliya shared with me one especially bitter evening, it wouldn’t matter whether I went home, or if I stayed, these issues would still be within me. So true. That same friend encouraged me multiple times to stay in Kona, in the supportive environment that it is, with the loving people that are there, so that I could work through my struggles, since I had come running from home in the hopes of finding something new anyways. I guess I realized at that point that these issues would follow me wherever I went, if I didn’t address them at their root.
So, heart surgery it was! And what a terrorizing, thrilling, and hope-cultivating journey it has been. And the true friendships I have now! Oh the change I can see in myself…in the way I view others, God, the world, and myself.
At the start of things, I was so scared and insecure. Unbeknownst to me, my arrival in Kona would be the catalyst that would continue a painful, new leg of my journey called healing. Some of that healing was sparked before I arrived in Hawai’i, but much of it really began to take root there and in Thailand. I learned more of who God really was, His heart for me and His desire to see me whole and free, both of which I was not. I began to recognize Satan’s lies for what they were, and I continued with what I knew how to do at that point…honestly talk to God with all my fears, insecurities, uncertainties, buried dreams, sadness, and disappointments.
As I began to really pour into His word (especially Ephesians) and realize the victory and life Christ had won for me, I was astounded at how I had lived in such ignorance of it all. Satan really had blinded me to so much, and when my eyes were opened, I saw such beauty in life again, in my walk with God, and in my relationships. I was able to let people love me sincerely, without putting up walls and putting on a mask. I shared my pain with God more and with others as well, and through those trustworthy relationships with Him and them, the wounds that had hurt so much began to truly heal. I could trust again, love again, if I ever really had in my life.
I needed to experience that healing for myself before I could reach out to others in Thailand...I couldn’t give out of what I did not have. Not that I was completely whole upon boarding that plane for Bangkok, but definitely moreso than when I first landed in Kona. And more healing came as my team and I traveled from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, from Chiang Mai to Phuket, and then Bangkok to Kona again.
In Chiang Mai, my all-girls team, made up of eight beautiful women and myself, lived and worked at a place called Abba House. It is a ministry with a two-fold purpose of providing a safehouse for young Thai girls who have come from abusive homes and broken or non-existent families AS WELL AS discipling men, young and old alike, who have come out of prison, drug rehabs, prostitution, or off the streets. We taught the men English and led Bible studies with them, which to our surprise (seeing how we were a group of young women ministering to men who had come from rough backgrounds), turned out to be such a great time of spiritual encouragement and edification to both us and the men. By the end of our month there, they had become our brothers. We also taught the girls English in the evenings when they came home from school.
One of my favorite memories is of Christmas Eve, when we all went Christmas caroling around Chiang Mai, singing joyfully and skipping our way to each house, arm-in-arm. A taste of Heaven, I think. : )
From Chiang Mai, we traveled by bus all the way to the opposite end of the country, to the island of Phuket off the southern coast of Thailand. There, we lived and worked at a ministry called SHE (Self Help & Empowerment). What a place it is! Although its beauty lies in its tropical paradise landscape, it is has an equally dark side, as it’s very well known for its prostitution. SHE offers alternative employment to the girls who work in the bars, training in hotel/restaurant work, and English lessons, all in the hope of leading them to the Lord and discipling them, which is no easy task in the culture there.
Our job was to go into the bars a few times a week to form friendships with the girls, as we played pool, Connect-4, jenga or just talked. My team, nine of us in all, broke up into groups of three to cover different areas of town, so we didn’t run the risk of visiting the same bars and girls. The first night out, we just sort of mapped out the place, writing down street and bar names, to get a feel for the place and to know how many (and what type of) bars we were dealing with. The hierarchy of bar owners and bosses makes it a seedy place, not to mention some of the bars being owned and run by mafia. We had to keep our wits about us and our eyes open to anything that didn’t seem safe or normal for the nature of the place. If we felt we were being watched or we could see that the bar owner specifically had their eye on us, we would be careful how often and for how long we visited that bar. Seeing young women walk around that area and just talking with the bar girls is a strange thing in the first place. I mean, c’mon, the area is known for sex and alcohol…not exactly a place young women go to have fun for vacation. The place is mostly frequented by older European men.
But what an opportunity it was! Not only did we get to make some good friendships and connections with the bar girls and owners, but we also got to talk abit with some of the men who visited the bars. It was good to meet them and just talk so that later we could pray for them by name.
After we had gotten to know the girls, many of them would begin to open up about their lives and admit how much they disliked working in the bars. See, most of them come from the poorer, more rural parts of Thailand up north and are expected by their families to be the breadwinners, no matter the cost, really. Usually, it’s the oldest daughter who goes to get a job first, and with very limited schooling and lack of money/opportunity for more education, so many end up resorting to selling themselves for money. It’s sad, but that is the nature of their situation…and for so many girls in Thailand.
But anyways, if the girls were really not interested in working in their bar anymore and were looking for another job, we could tell them about SHE (‘a friend’, we would say) who could help them with employment and training. Some of them were interested, others just weren’t willing to trust that it could be true or feasible for them to leave. I can understand their lack of trust, as many have been used and deceived for so many years. If they were willing to look into SHE, we could invite them to the base for lunch, and they could have a chance to see the organization, that it was legit, and to talk with staff and the founders about details and the reality of changing their current situation.
Honestly, it’s a difficult ministry, and SO MUCH of our work (and SHE’s work) was prayer and worship, as it should be. I learned just how powerful and crucial prayer really is in tearing down strongholds and defeating the work of the Devil. Satan is at work in Phuket, but when one focuses on the Light of Christ and how strong and real His love is, the darkness is minimized to such an extent. It was amazing working in there, where you really can feel the depth of the spiritual battle between Light and Dark and at many times, it can be felt physically. Being there was such a reminder of how much of a need there is to be grounded in Christ and strong in the Lord. There is such a need there with how desperate the women are for a way out and, most importantly, a relationship with and freedom in Christ.
So, from the men who came out of prison, drugs, and prostitution...to the little girls whose homes were too broken to grow up in…to the beautiful women who called the Phuket bars their homes, I saw God at work, transforming hearts and opening eyes to things unseen...glimpses of what could be…those things that are not to be as though they were, as that verse in Romans 4:17 so eloquently says. I have seen such hope in the world, and yet such darkness alongside it.
‘If you travel here, you will see it all, the brightest and the darkest…and if you travel here, listen to your heart and take with you what lasts forever.’
Those lyrics speak to me about my time abroad in Thailand. But by God’s amazing love and grace, His bright Hope outshines the darkness. Like in Phuket…I remember arriving back at SHE so discouraged some nights and yet knowing that it wasn’t the end…that His Light would prevail in the end if only we kept praying, kept persevering, kept pushing back the darkness in Jesus’ name. Was I hyped up on YWAM outreach excitement? I don’t think so..i believe God was filling me with more faith. Faith to believe that His love is going to change things…that’s it’s strong and true. That He is renewing all things.
That very faith still wavers in me at times as I have traveled home and am acclimating myself to life here again, but it’s a precious lesson I am still learning. It’s a journey I am choosing to take because I have known what the way is like when you almost lose your faith…the hopelessness, deceit and fear is too much to bear. I am not going back. I know that much.
One of the main things I have been learning over this past while is that we are all broken in our own ways, from different hurts in both the past and present. And I’ve seen in not just my own life, but others as well, how Satan uses our brokenness to make us believe there is no hope, even if we believe in Christ. But that is just not true. God really does want wholeness and life for each of us in His love, but it’s the nature of the world we live in that Satan does not want us to really see who we are and can be in Christ or who God really is. He works so hard to deceive us and blind us to the truth of it. I’ve heard it said that Satan’s worst fear is for us to realize who we are in Christ and to walk in it. It makes sense! Why would Satan want us to walk in life and wholeness when he hates Christ, and thus hates us because we belong to Him? Satan only comes to kill, steal, and destroy, and there is no good in him.
God has put it on my heart to expose Satan’s lies for what they are in people’s lives, but most importantly, to focus on the Light and Life of Christ and how we wants an intimate relationship with each of us. He is found by those who seek Him in truth. And when we do allow our hearts to open to His love and grace, He transforms us in radical ways.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Proof in Phuket
oh goodness. seriously. How do i write about all that's occurred in my time in Thailand so far? All that God has been doing in me and through me? Well, i'll give it a go and see how it turns out because it's high time i give an update to those who care and are praying for me and my team and Thailand. I've been suffering from some sort of writer's bloc, i swear...but here goes.
Let's go back to Chiang Mai, where i was in the north of Thailand. Our time at Abba House was such a time of blessing, encouragement, and relationship. From teaching the girls English to leading Bible studies with the guys and sharing our walks of faith (as well as cups of 3in1 coffee) with each other, i can't begin to fully describe how much God blessed our time there. My eyes have been opened to see just how strong His love is...how He can transform lives and hearts that the world has trampled and left to the dogs. I too have experienced a change in my heart, a mending, if you will, although my struggles are minimal in comparison to those of the people I have met here.
After spending a month with the wonderful men, women, and children of Abba House, my eyes have been opened to how far-reaching God's kingdom is and to the role i can play in expanding it. Oh the stories i would love to share with you in person!
But now the journey has led my team and i here to the tropical tourist island known as Phuket. (You know it's funny..i didn't even know it was such a tourist paradise destination). Now before you begin to envy me and my travels, i must say this island has quite the dark side. From the beaches of Patong to the bars of Kata, this place is known the world over for its sex industry. A woman can be bought as easily as a beer here, and it's seen as just as normal to do so. But get to know any one of these women beckoning the mostly Western tourists into the bars, and you will discover it's not the job she wants to do. Although the majority of the women seen in Phuket's open-air bars are there voluntarily, they would rather be running their own salon or designing their own line of clothing, as a few have admitted to my team and i. But with little education and limited resources, they haven't been able to see their dreams come to reality. They not only work to provide for themselves, but many have the responsibility of supporting their parents, siblings, and extended families, many of whom live in the northern more rural villages of Thailand. My heart goes out to them, especially as i see a girl no older than myself on the back of a moped with a man three times her age.
But my team and i have joined an organization here that seeks to show these women that they are not just tourist attractions that can be bought, that they are beautiful and have a value that no amount of money can buy. This organization, called SHE (Self Help and Empowerment) is unique here on this party-hard island in that it offers women vocational tranining, employment, and counseling. Our goal is to share God's love with them and to show them a way out of lives that have only dragged them through the mud.
A few nights a week, we go into the bars to speak with the women, in the hopes of developing relationships and introducing them to SHE. It's a strange sight, i am sure, to see us young women walking down streets known primarily for sex, beer and pole dancing. Even stranger to see us sitting at the bar, laughing and playing 'connect-four' with the girls. But hey, wouldn't Jesus be in the same place if He were still walking the earth as a man? I think he would be. And he asks us to be his hands and feet, to usher in his kingdom and show God's love to those who are broken...and i must say that includes the drunken men who stagger down the streets looking for love below the neon lights. Even though they anger me, these men who come from across the world to buy sex are just as desperate for something more in this life. They are just horribly misguided.
So, as my team and i are amidst our third week in Phuket, please pray for us and the work we are doing these next few weeks. Pray for the beautiful women we are reaching in the bars, for the relationships we are developing with them, that their eyes will be opened to the Light and Life that is in Christ, that their dreams can be realized. Pray for spiritual strength and protection for my team and i, for wisdom, discernment, and the power of God's love to flow through our words, actions, and smiles. And really, pray for the dark spiritual strongholds here in Phuket and in these women's lives that convinces them they are of such little value.
If there is one thing i can leave you all with, it's this: God's love is real and strong...and I can see it at work already here in Phuket.
Let's go back to Chiang Mai, where i was in the north of Thailand. Our time at Abba House was such a time of blessing, encouragement, and relationship. From teaching the girls English to leading Bible studies with the guys and sharing our walks of faith (as well as cups of 3in1 coffee) with each other, i can't begin to fully describe how much God blessed our time there. My eyes have been opened to see just how strong His love is...how He can transform lives and hearts that the world has trampled and left to the dogs. I too have experienced a change in my heart, a mending, if you will, although my struggles are minimal in comparison to those of the people I have met here.
After spending a month with the wonderful men, women, and children of Abba House, my eyes have been opened to how far-reaching God's kingdom is and to the role i can play in expanding it. Oh the stories i would love to share with you in person!
But now the journey has led my team and i here to the tropical tourist island known as Phuket. (You know it's funny..i didn't even know it was such a tourist paradise destination). Now before you begin to envy me and my travels, i must say this island has quite the dark side. From the beaches of Patong to the bars of Kata, this place is known the world over for its sex industry. A woman can be bought as easily as a beer here, and it's seen as just as normal to do so. But get to know any one of these women beckoning the mostly Western tourists into the bars, and you will discover it's not the job she wants to do. Although the majority of the women seen in Phuket's open-air bars are there voluntarily, they would rather be running their own salon or designing their own line of clothing, as a few have admitted to my team and i. But with little education and limited resources, they haven't been able to see their dreams come to reality. They not only work to provide for themselves, but many have the responsibility of supporting their parents, siblings, and extended families, many of whom live in the northern more rural villages of Thailand. My heart goes out to them, especially as i see a girl no older than myself on the back of a moped with a man three times her age.
But my team and i have joined an organization here that seeks to show these women that they are not just tourist attractions that can be bought, that they are beautiful and have a value that no amount of money can buy. This organization, called SHE (Self Help and Empowerment) is unique here on this party-hard island in that it offers women vocational tranining, employment, and counseling. Our goal is to share God's love with them and to show them a way out of lives that have only dragged them through the mud.
A few nights a week, we go into the bars to speak with the women, in the hopes of developing relationships and introducing them to SHE. It's a strange sight, i am sure, to see us young women walking down streets known primarily for sex, beer and pole dancing. Even stranger to see us sitting at the bar, laughing and playing 'connect-four' with the girls. But hey, wouldn't Jesus be in the same place if He were still walking the earth as a man? I think he would be. And he asks us to be his hands and feet, to usher in his kingdom and show God's love to those who are broken...and i must say that includes the drunken men who stagger down the streets looking for love below the neon lights. Even though they anger me, these men who come from across the world to buy sex are just as desperate for something more in this life. They are just horribly misguided.
So, as my team and i are amidst our third week in Phuket, please pray for us and the work we are doing these next few weeks. Pray for the beautiful women we are reaching in the bars, for the relationships we are developing with them, that their eyes will be opened to the Light and Life that is in Christ, that their dreams can be realized. Pray for spiritual strength and protection for my team and i, for wisdom, discernment, and the power of God's love to flow through our words, actions, and smiles. And really, pray for the dark spiritual strongholds here in Phuket and in these women's lives that convinces them they are of such little value.
If there is one thing i can leave you all with, it's this: God's love is real and strong...and I can see it at work already here in Phuket.
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